betsyjo

On the Seventh Day of Christmas...

2010-01-01T12:37:00.002-05:00

I saw this Christmas poem the other day on Slate, and loved it. Thought I'd share:

"A Christmas Carol, Sung to the King in the Presence at White-Hall"
Dark and dull night, fly hence away,
And give the honour to this Day,
That sees December turned to May.
If we may ask the reason, say
The why and wherefore all things here
Seem like the Spring-time of the year?
Why does chilling Winter's morn
Smile like a field beset with corn?
Or smell like to a Mead new-shorn,
Thus, on the sudden? Come and see
The cause, why things thus fragrant be:
'Tis He is born, whose quickening birth
Gives life and luster, public mirth,
To Heaven and the under-Earth.
We see Him come and know him ours,
Who, with His sunshine and His showers
Turns all the patient ground to flowers.
The darling of the world is come
And fit it is, we find a room
To welcome Him. The nobler part
Of all the house here, is the heart.
Which we will give Him, and bequeath
The Holly, and this Ivy wreath,
To do Him honour, who's our King,
And Lord of all this reveling.
…………................……—Robert Herrick

2008: A Retrospective

2008-12-23T21:56:00.003-05:00

In case you're interested, a few pictures highlighting the past for me:

2008 in Review

It's been a good year!

Spotless Mind?

2008-12-09T19:58:00.002-05:00

It's certainly a proud day for my new home state of Illinois. Maybe someone who's lived here longer than I can tell me how in the world this man ever got elected governor in the first place? Was it his incredibly foul mouth? His unwillingness to relocate from Chicago to the capital city once he got the job? Hopefully voters weren't bowled over by his intelligence...or lack thereof. Perhaps they were blinded by his fabulous hair?

Check out this gross stupidity. An article cites this quote from an interview YESTERDAY. Says Rod, "I think there's nothing but sunshine hanging over me."

I'll take some of what he's having, Doc.

Thanksgiving ABCs

2008-11-27T21:55:00.005-05:00

I read this idea as something you should do with your 8-year-old, but oh well...

Things I'm thankful for, from A to Z:

Alice, aka Mama
Baseball. Also, Beer. Also, bears, beets, and Battlestar Galactica
Camille
Daddy
Ellen
Fantastic Friends
Grace
Hearing (and Hearing aids, for that matter)
Ice cream!
Job
Kilograms - the few extra I have because I eat and drink so well!
Lots of clothes (and still nothing to wear, so more reason to shop!)
Money, or that I've always had more than I needed
Nice house
Opportunities afforded to me, past and future
Providence from God, specifically as I relocated this year
Quiet street to live on
Relief I feel that the 2008 Aggie Football season is finally over
Singleness (for now!)
Twenty-seven and almost one-half really great years!
Underwear
Victory
Will Griffin
Xtended family, all 80,000 of them
You!
Zephaniah 3:17

What would you do with $74,000??

2008-11-25T20:59:00.002-05:00

So, it's estimated that the government has committed $8.5 trillion towards the "financial crisis" that we're hearing so much about that it's been blamed for bad marriages staying together, the fall of reality TV, (as if there's really no other reason for that), and the increased demand for Spam. Bad times, eh?

This 8.5 trillion, by the way, doesn't take into account bailing out the Big 3 auto companies, who are asking for a mere $25 billion. Someone please tell me when $25,000,000,000 started to seem like an absolute pittance!

According to the latest census, and projections related to it, there will be 115 million households in the US in 2010. If my math is right, $8.5 trillion divided 115 million ways is almost $74,000 per household. I'd take it, wouldn't you? Can you imagine what this would do for most of the people who are underwater on their mortgages? What about those worried about Christmas? Would there still be polls showing that consumer confidence is low? How many different ways could you spend $74,000??

I know I don't have the slightest idea how all this money will save our economy, and I'd like to trust that there's someone behind all this who does have an idea. But I'm not sure I do, and wow, that is a tough pill to swallow.

In other news, it looks like Robert Gates will still be the Defense Secretary under Obama. Gig 'em.

We Believe

2008-11-24T22:58:00.004-05:00

There's a song that they sing at my grandma's church that has been running through my head for the past two days. I think there are actually verses, but I've only ever heard them sing the chorus:

We remember how you loved us to Your death
And still we celebrate for You are with us here.
And we believe that we will see You when you come
In Your glory, Lord
We remember, we celebrate, we believe.

Look at how much theology is packed into those sentences! I read something today that said if we are ever discouraged about anything, we should think about Jesus coming back, and the fact that it could happen TODAY. How often do you do that? For me, it's almost never.

(An aside...I used to feel bad because I wasn't super-excited for heaven, or for Jesus' return. But I was in Bible study once, and my pastor said something like, "It's amazing how God does that...we aren't meant for this world, but God also gives us the desire to live out our lives here." And really, how could it be any different? So we're excited, but also nervous, a little frightened, and if you're me, asking questions like "Will there be ice cream, and baseball, [this is hilarious, but beware the Sodom and Gomorrah joke], and music in heaven?" And that's okay.)

In any case, eventually I may get sick of the fact that I can't get these five lines out of my head, but for now, it's been nice to have a different thought stuck up there.

Prayers

2008-08-20T21:20:00.002-04:00

Will y'all please pray for my uncle, Raymond? He has a very aggressive form of leukemia, and has been in the hospital for almost three weeks. His wife, my dad's sister, is keeping a blog here.

Obviously, I haven't posted much lately. That will change soon. God has been doing things in my life I really want to share.

I cannot give an answer

2008-03-21T11:26:00.002-04:00

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss.
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.

Behold the man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me life.
I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom;
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart:
His wounds have paid my ransom.

Curse you, writer's strike!!!

2008-02-07T18:14:00.001-05:00

Here's hoping the rumors are true that the parties in the writer's strike have come to an agreement.

We have reached the critical hour. Not only have I been without new Office episodes for almost three months, my DVR is almost completely empty!! I'm actually watching a commercial right now! What's a girl to do? Read?!?

Rock the Vote

2008-01-05T15:11:00.000-05:00

Are you as clueless as I am when it comes to the current presidential race? I thought this was a worthwhile quiz to get me thinking. Thought I'd share...

Happy 2008!

2008-01-01T22:18:00.000-05:00

(Yay for new digital cameras!!!)

Current View from My Front Door

2007-12-16T10:58:00.001-05:00

Time to reassess?

2007-12-09T18:09:00.000-05:00

To single folks out there, I'd like to offer the following as food for thought and discussion.

We all have it: the list of traits we'd like to see in our spouses. What's on your list? Mine has always gone something like this: "Strong Christian, spiritual leader, good sense of humor, gets along with my family and friends, someone I can have a good time with." Is yours similar?

My friend and I started a women's Bible study a couple weeks ago, and we're reading "Safe People" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This week part of the first chapter got us talking about outward appearances, specifically how little they mean to God. We read Psalm 15, and then considered the following (lengthy) passage from this book.

One evening, I spoke to a group of Christian college students about dating and relationships. At the close of the talk, I asked, "What qualities do you look for in a potential date or mate?" The answers went something like this: "I want someone spiritual, godly, ambitious, fun to be with," and so on. They replied as I had expected. And that disturbed me, for as a counselor and as a person, I know that these are not the issues that cause relationships to break apart.

When I questioned the audience a bit further, asking them about character and relational issues, they were in the dark. They continued to give me broad religious answers and descriptions of people that had little to do with what the Bible actually says about relationships.
People in trouble don't say broad religious issues are the problem. They say:

He doesn't listen to me.
She is so “perfect” that she can't understand my struggles.
He seems so distant that I feel alone.
She always tries to control me.
He makes promises but really doesn't follow through.
He is condemning and judgmental.
She is always angry at me for something I did or didn't do.
I tend to be my worst self with him or her.
I cannot trust him....

When we listen to God address his problem relationships, the list is much more like the second than the first. He says that, among other things, his people are "far away" (Is 29:13), "unfaithful" (Josh 22:16), "proud and perfectionistic" (Deut 8:14, Ps 36:2), "unloving" (1 John 4:20), and “judgmental” (Rom 2:1).

God does not use religious terms and language when he discusses people. He talks about how people treat him and others, and whether or not they get things done as they said they would. In short, he looks at someone's character. He is looking at their makeup as a person and the way that that character interacts with him and the world…

Of course, no one sets out to find a mate with bad character. But it still happens. Are we valuing the right things? I have more than one friend who dated the guy or girl with all the right assets, and it actually was not at all what they were looking for.

Maybe this shouldn’t have been such a revelation to me, but it has made me reconsider just what my husband might look like. None of the things on my list is bad, but they really say very little about how this guy would treat me and take care of me on a daily basis. What exactly does it mean to be a “good Christian?” Or even a “spiritual leader?” Couldn’t it look a little different in just about every person? I’m sure I could find someone who really gets along with my friends and family who I have no interest in dating, and I can have a fantastic time with guys who I know I should never end up with.

When asked “What qualities do you look for in a potential date or mate?” what should our answer really look like?

Attention, Ladies

2007-11-29T20:23:00.000-05:00

Have you heard of the Christian Working Woman? I listened to this radio program most mornings on my way to work in Iowa, but haven't found a good station and time to listen to it in Ohio. But you can subscribe to it by email. I highly recommend these devotions. They are so practical that the last two weeks, my friend and I have wondered whether she has been listening to our conversations.

Haikus are easy

2007-10-22T15:52:00.000-04:00

So, my little sister got hitched this weekend, and there was much celebration! On the long trip down to College Station, Mom wrote the following haiku:

Sincere wedding wishes
Camille and Will pledge their love
Honeymoon awaits

This inspired a maelstrom of syllable-counting and haiku-composing, recorded here for posterity.

October 20
The death of her single life
Good luck, Will Griffin
(Betsy and Ellen)

New brother-in-law
We have a crazy fam'ly
You will fit right in.
(Betsy)

Camille and Will wed
Mom stops all her hollering
New spouse takes over.
(Mom)

And a couple post-wedding haiku:

I have made it home
The wedding was lots of fun
And I hate Mondays.
(Betsy)

Who will Dad root for?
Red Sox, Rox in World Series
Baseball gods mock him.
(Mom)

An honest question

2007-08-22T21:57:00.000-04:00

When I was in high school, I came across a quote that went something like, "To see God in everything makes life the greatest joy there is." I do believe that God is present all over the place, so I believe this statement until I read something like this article. The author is describing her trip to the mattress store to buy a queen-sized bed.

From the article:

"Scott the Mattress Salesman asked how much I wanted to spend, then showed me two sleeping beauties in my price range. The good news was that he wasn't really Scott the Mattress Salesman, but Scott the Regional Manager Posing as Mattress Salesman. He explained that they'd fired the store's manager just the day before and he was covering until the new guy could start. And because he couldn't earn any commission, he knocked the 100 bucks the salesman would have pocketed off the already reduced price. "You came in on the right day," he said. I smiled and exchanged a knowing glance with Ingrid. We'd been trying to schedule this shopping excursion for a couple weeks. Obviously God had helped us pick the right day."

To me, this elaborate story is just a clever ruse to make the buyer of said mattress feel like she had saved $100 on a mattress, when Scott the Mattress Salesman really could have sold the mattress for $200 lower. But what do I know?

That is not the honest question. The honest question is, have I become too cynical?

Fast Food: Not your Momma's Home Cookin'

2007-08-13T22:45:00.001-04:00

If you need another reason not to eat fast food, I'm your gal. I don't know how many people have already seen this, (I'm usually a little behind the curve on these things), but it's too great not to pass on.

Ads vs. Reality

Vote for the grossest!! I think the grossest ones are the two that most look like they're decomposing, but I'll let you figure out which ones those are.

Because I Said So

2007-04-23T17:59:00.000-04:00

I'm finishing up the book Letters from a Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd. I just came to this passage written as a response to a question regarding how we can be forgiven (holy) and sinful at the same time:

"So, how can we be holy and sinful at the same time? I'll explain it with this analogy. When God created the world in the beginning, He said, 'Let there be light' and there was light. He said, 'Let there be dry ground,' and there was dry ground. And so on. God's Word, we see, is 'ontologically productive.' It creates being.

"Now our salvation is no less the result of God's word than is our creation. God says, 'All the sin of Ed Boyd's past is gone,' and all your sin is gone! And God says, 'Ed Boyd is perfectly holy before Me,'' and you are perfectly holy before Him."

The simplicity of this, especially after reading the other chapters, which tackle such complicated issues, is striking to me. Spiritual milk, to be sure, but isn't it tasty?

A Music Recommendation

2007-03-20T22:56:00.000-04:00

I'm going to skip the whole "I haven't blogged in a while because..." If you look to the right, you'll notice it now says "Ohio" under my name. That's right, I now live in another midwestern state with a name made up mostly of vowels. The similarities between Iowa and Ohio do not end there! There is lots of farmland here, too, which is what is keeping me employed! I just got all moved into my new place today, and all but one room is cleared of boxes!

There's a CD, Carried Away by Andrew Peterson, that I think everyone should hear. I think I got it the summer after my freshman year in college, which is almost seven years ago, (!), so this might be old news to some. I listen to this CD about once a year...I rediscovered it today while unpacking. Every time I hear it, I wonder why I don't I listen to more Andrew Peterson? The music is nice to have on in the background, but I'm always drawn in by the stories he tells with his lyrics. Has anyone else listened to him? I'm wondering if his other CDs are as terrific as this one.

Also, my sister is on YouTube with her Youth Encounter team! (There are two videos out there.) Thanks to the Slefanizer for telling me about it.

A Farewell to Apartment

2006-12-28T22:46:00.000-05:00

Goodbye, heated garage
Goodbye, nearly unlimited kitchen cabinet space
Goodbye, beautiful trees and privacy.

Goodbye, kitchen floor that never looked clean
Goodbye, carpet with mystery stains
Goodbye, plastic shell-shaped bathroom sink with faux brown and tan marble
Goodbye, ancient oven
Goodbye, noisy refrigerator
Goodbye, teeny dishwasher
Goodbye, saving quarters for expensive loads of laundry
Goodbye, chain smoker on the balcony below me
Goodbye, fake butcher block cabinets
Goodbye, pomegranate juice stains on the wall
Goodbye, lingering campfire smell
Goodbye, oh-so-unhelpful apartment management
Goodbye, half-mile walk to mailbox
Goodbye, white paint on all the baseboards.

Goodbye, apartment. I'll always remember my first.

"This shirt is dry clean only...

2006-11-27T21:22:00.000-05:00

...which means it is dirty."

This, one of my favorite Mitch Hedberg quotes, has been running through my head all night, but my version needs to say "hand wash" in place of dry clean.

Since I'm moving in a few weeks, I've decided I need to start "getting things done." For starters, I tackled the hand wash pile at the bottom of my bathroom closet. 14 tops!! FOURTEEN! Sweaters were in there that I forgot I had!! This makes me wonder if I'm getting my money's worth out of clothes marked "Hand wash only."

In the "this is what Betsy is really thinking about tonight" category, why does a guy you dated pretty seriously, and who eventually ended up never calling you again, then ignored you for an entire day at a football game, get to act all nice when you talk to him out of the blue? It is unfair and thoroughly infuriating!

Since this post is about nothing anyway, another Mitch Hedberg quote: "This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. "

I JUST BOUGHT A CONDO...

2006-11-20T21:26:00.000-05:00

...in exotic Cedar Rapids!!!

The most amazing thing, besides the fact that I will be a homeowner on Dec 15, is that I went through the whole process in less than four days. On Thursday night, my friends were telling me I should buy something and I said, "I can't, there's no way," and by Monday night, I've found a place I'd like to buy, been approved for a loan, made an offer, made a counter-counter-offer, and had it accepted. It's pretty unbelievable.

Now all I have to do is move. Anyone is welcome to help - free pizza, cookies, and refreshments for all!! December 16th!

Executive Summary of this Post: DO NOT SEE BORAT.

2006-11-11T22:30:00.000-05:00

Indignant is the only way I can describe how I feel tonight.

I am seriously considering never seeing another rated-R movie again. Of my movies, I have three that are rated-R: Legends of the Fall, (which depressed me so much the last time I watched it I may never see it again), Good Will Hunting (which is a terrific movie outside of the gratuitous use of the F-word), and When Harry Met Sally, (which honestly, might be rated PG if it were made today).

To be sure, in light of the movie I saw tonight, all of these movies look like Disney Classics by comparison. A group of seven of us went to see Borat, and the smartest two of us left midway through the movie. Unfortunately, I was not one of the smart two. I spent the drive home wondering if I had missed something in all the reviews I had seen or the people who were talking about it or the commercials I'd seen. Check this page out. I doubt that Citizen Kane enjoyed such rave reviews from critics.

Have we reduced ourselves to such asinine levels that this is "one of the funniest movies ever made?" Is it acceptable that racism, homophobia, sexism, and plain crudeness can be excused under the guise of an ignorant outsider? Further, if you read some of the reviews, they insinuate that a person who doesn't find the jokes funny is really just a closed-minded bigot herself.

Puh-lease. I enjoy laughing at myself as much as the next gal. The fact that I am less than entertained by crass, tasteless humor does not make me closed-minded.

Stef blogged on the issue of moral depravity in movies a couple weeks ago, and I read it without really thinking about it. But I revisited it tonight, and there is an article that she links to that talks about drug addicts often overdosing because they have to take larger and larger doses to get a high. It seems plausible that this is the reason that When Harry Met Sally, which was made in 1989, looks today like a mild PG-13 movie.

With insincere apologies to Mom and Ellen, my evening has been improved by the pleasure of watching Texas lose to K-State as I type. And smirking at the commentators channeling Russ Hodges every time Texas does anything that remotely resembles the actions of a ranked football team.

Oh yeah, when I started researching the candidates I would be voting for on Tuesday, I realized that the Braley/Whalen race that I mentioned in the previous post wasn't even my district. I didn't know whether to be mad that I was subjected to so many low-blow commercials, or to be happy that I wouldn't have to vote for either of the finger-pointing candidates who "approved this message."

Ok, maybe my next post will be happy. I will start thinking positive.....NOW.

On Voting

2006-10-24T23:42:00.000-04:00

*Betsy steps up on soapbox.*

Ahem...Ok, so the midterm elections (do I have that right?) are coming up on November 7th, exactly two weeks from today. This year, I'm frustrated by the elections and here's why.

Since Government class my junior year in high school, and probably before then, I have heard that it is not only my right, but my responsibility, to vote. I agree with this. I do think it's important to be involved in our democratic government, and I know that a lot of woman participated in the suffrage movement so that I could vote.

The reason I'm leaning towards not voting is that I am a completely uneducated voter. I'm sure part of the reason is that I don't pay much attention to local news. But it seems like there are two things that politicians running for office are spending money on. The first thing is nice bright signs with their names on them, and possibly what they are running for.

The second thing is completely worthless political ads on TV. For the past month or two, I've been doing everything I can to tune these ads out. Then I realized that I'm not fulfilling my civic duty, so I've started paying attention. So, I know a bunch of names of Iowa politicians now: Nussle, Culver, (who are both running for governor), Hogg, Braley, and Whalen (I don't know what they're running for).

Here's what I've learned so far. Nussle practically worships Bush, (which is bad, of course), and Hogg pronounces his name "hoe-g." Braley is an evil trial lawyer who is single-handedly driving up my medical expenses, so I should vote for Whalen. Whalen believes in Social Security privitization and he's clearly wrong WRONG WRONG so I should vote for Braley. And I can't remember anything about Culver except that his last name is the same as a fast food chain in town that serves really good ice cream...mmm, ice cream.

Is this supposed to help me make an informed decision? Is anyone else frustrated with this?

*Betsy steps down.*

Book Review

2006-10-22T20:26:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading a book that was a surprisingly good read. The book is Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner. I checked this book out expecting to skim through some parts, and ended up reading it from cover to cover. It was remarkably honest, and a bit like reading someone's diary, or even her blog.

The author was an Orthodox Jew before she became Christian. The book is organized by church seasons (Advent, Pentecost, etc), and she parallels most of these seasons with the Jewish traditions taking place at the same time. She also talks about her current struggles. While I don't necessarily agree with everything she says, it was very refreshing reading. Honestly, I'm struggling to remember another book that would be filed in the Christian or Religious section of Barnes and Noble that I have been able to relate to quite as well. Also, she partly credits becoming a Christian to the book At Home in Mitford, which has long been one of my favorite series to read. (She says she's "always felt faintly embarrassed about the role Jan Karon's Mitford novels played in my conversion." I, however, am not embarrassed - these books are always fun to read.)

If I started listing the insights she related that struck me, this would be a long post. The one that's freshest on my mind is this: She quotes a character from an old British novel as asking a Christian, "What I want to know is do you believe in it the way you believe in Australia?" An interesting thought, to be sure, but Winner points out that the Christian life is about a promise to believe even when we have trouble wrapping our heads around this huge thing called Christianity.

Thy Strong Word

2006-10-15T20:46:00.000-04:00

I have a love-dislike relationship with contemporary praise and worship music...No need to get into it now except to say that the new stuff has really deepened my appreciation for hymns.

Today in church we sang "Thy Strong Word." This hymn is written in a minor key, has six long verses filled with King James language, and is basically a good example of what some people hate about hymns. But the words are poetic and rich. Read them a couple times. The fifth verse especially never fails to convict me, and notice the description of the Trinity at the end.

Thy strong Word did cleave the darkness;
At thy speaking it was done.
For created light we thank Thee
While thine ordered seasons run
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise to thee who light dost send!
Alleluia without end!

Lo, on those who dwelt in darkness,
Dark as night and deep as death,
Broke the light of thy salvation,
Breathed thine own life-giving breath.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise to thee who light dost send!
Alleluia without end!

Thy strong Word bespeaks us righteous;
Bright with thine own holiness,
Glorious now, we press toward glory,
And our lives our hopes confess.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise to thee who light dost send!
Alleluia without end!

From the cross thy wisdom shining
Breaketh forth in conqu'ring might;
From the cross forever beameth
All thy bright redeeming light.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Praise to Thee who light dost send!
Alleluia without end!

Give us lips to sing thy glory,
Tongues thy mercy to proclaim,
Throats to shout the hope that fills us,
Mouths to speak thy holy name.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
May the light which thou dost send,
Fill our songs with alleluias,
Alleluias without end!

God the Father, light-creator,
To Thee laud and honor be.
To Thee, Light from Light begotten,
Praise be sung eternally.
Holy Spirit, light-revealer,
Glory, glory be to Thee.
Mortals, angels, now and ever
Praise the Holy Trinity!

Little Suggestions for a Happy Life

2006-10-09T20:15:00.000-04:00

The monthly "Windsor on the River Apartments" newsletter arrived yesterday, with this helpful little blurb on the front cover:

Little Suggestions For A Happy Life
*Go on a hayride
*Evaluate yourself by your own standards, not by someone else's.
*Lie on your back and look at the stars.

How quaint. I would offer, however, as a response:

Betsy's Suggestions for Happy Residents:
*Don't wait a month to fix the washer that you're already charging me $1.25/load to use.
*Don't tell me you can't waive the late fee when I've (stupidly) forgotten to pay the rent because I'm white (yes, this actually happened).
*Don't try to charge me $10 a month more in rent when I re-sign my lease just because you think you should be able to, then complain about me calling to tell you I'm not paying any more rent because I don't think I should have to.
*Find a way to stop the chain smoker living below me from smelling up my apartment when I have my balcony door open.
*Do something about the occasional shootings in the complex. (This makes it sound like I live in the ghetto...I really don't.)

*Sigh* Maybe someday I will be a proud, penniless homeowner.

Randomness

2006-09-18T18:45:00.000-04:00

Things on my mind tonight:

Baseball playoffs are in full swing. My pick, Twins over Mets. Twins made sure I got that wrong. So much for knowing anything about baseball. The Tigers just got their second win over the Yankees. You cannot believe how happy this makes me.

I got to see my sister last night, and again this afternoon. I got lost in three different states last night trying to find her in Dubuque, and I ran a red light and almost killed someone. But I found her. She is spending a year on/with Youth Encounter. Please take some time to read her team's website. She is traveling the States and putting on programs for the next three months, and then heads to Peru and Bolivia to do the same there. I know that God is doing and will do amazing things through them.

I am home alone on a Friday night. The playoffs are on, I haven't been home much lately, last night was a late night and, most of all, I needed to do laundry. Here's the thing...turns out I'm out of laundry detergent. Not to worry, I found some Woolite. But I used my last dryer sheet a couple weeks ago. I can go without, (what do dryer sheets do in the first place, anyway?). But the real limiting factor was that I only had enough quarters to do three loads. Nothing like planning ahead.

I have an overdue library book. I read something about this book, and put it on hold weeks and weeks ago at the library, finally got it and didn't finish it in the 10-day check-out window. Now I owe $2 on it and I'm not that enthralled with the book. But I feel committed to read it in the same way that I feel committed to a staying on a customer service phone call after I've been on hold for 45 minutes.

I recently purchased two cds from Sandra McCracken and aside from a couple necessary country music fixes, that's all I've been listening to. Both cds have beautiful final tracks, songs that I've listened to over and over and over. Last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy (yes, I'm hooked) touched on a theme that Sandra McCracken so eloquently sums up: "And I'd rather have the mystery, and the madness and the rains, because hell's the only place we can be free of all love's pain."

Last weekend was easily the most fun I have had in a very long time. I went to Shelbyville, MO for a Shrimpboil. There were 1700 people in attendance. 1100 pounds of shrimp, 500 pounds of catfish, 750 pounds of crablegs, and 3 whole hogs, and that was just the main courses! I went with 7 other people who I've met through ADM, people who make me glad I moved up here just because I got to meet them.

So Stef and I were talking about being single a while back, and both agreed to blog about it. She beat me to it by about a month. I've had a draft for a while, entitled On Being Single, Too. For On Being Single One, click here.

It's been hard for me to blog about being single because my opinion of being single changes so often, sometimes by the hour.

Sometimes, most times even, I'm so glad to be single, for now. I like being on my own, I like going places on the weekends, and I like hanging out with people who I probably wouldn't hang out with if any of us were married. In short, I'm having fun. On the other hand, I do really want to be married at some point in the not-so-distant future, and I get impatient. Sometimes I don't want to wait another second for My Guy to show up. Other times, I'm more than willing to wait to become the girl that he needs, even as he does the same for me.

I've heard a theory kicked around that unsettles me. It goes something like this: "You're not ready to be married unless you can get comfortable with the idea of being single your whole life." If this is true, (and I don't think it is), I will never be ready for marriage. I've met a lady here who didn't get married until she was in her mid-50s. She is a terrific woman, smart, pretty, funny, successful. Outwardly, there is NO reason she shouldn't have been married earlier. More than once, I have thought, "I want to just pull this lady aside and get the whole story." The thought of being single that long does not sit well with me at all. I struggle with this, because what it comes down to is trust. I can either trust that it is God's will for me to be married and have a family someday, or I can trust that I can serve him by being single, and that will be enough.

If there is one thing I am sick of hearing, it is that I "need to trust God's timing." I don't mean to nullify that point. I know it's true and I know it's biblical that God times things perfectly. I've just heard it so often that it doesn't mean much to me. Or, why is it this person's "time" to get married, but not mine? Or, when the time actually comes, will it be worth the wait? But recently I ran across a quote that shed a new light on God's timing, and more than that, why waiting on God's timing is so important.

"Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best; God finds it hard to give because He would give the best, and man will not take it." George MacDonald

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

2006-09-07T00:06:00.000-04:00

It's late, I should have been in bed at least an hour ago because I am really going to go to the gym tomorrow morning (REALLY!).

But I was just doing my usual evening routine - reading in bed until I fall asleep. Thing is, there's a boy 'round these parts who hurt me not too long ago, more than I've let on, even to myself. I ran into him today. And even though I try not to let it bother me that things are the way they are, it does.

So I'm reading, but really thinking about something else, and my heart feels twisted. I start praying, and realize I should put down the book I'm reading (jury's still out on whether it has been worth my time or not, but it's certainly interesting...), and read the Bible.

Psalm 37 immediately jumps into my mind. My sister's confirmation verse is Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart." I haven't read it in a while. I open up to Psalm 37. Verse one reads thusly:

"Do not fret because of evil men."

You just can't make that stuff up. I don't mean to make light of God's word, and I know that, in context, it's not telling me to not worry about guys (I won't say jerks) I've dated who aren't the one for me.

But it was nice to laugh.

Football fans learn theology

2006-09-05T20:26:00.000-04:00

Ok, I never posted again last week, but I was successful in not using the gym once last week. Tuesday I had to do laundry, Wednesday I had a surprise work function in the evening, Thursday I got free tickets to the Iowa State/Toledo football game, and Friday I had to clean the apartment and get ready for my friend Betsy's visit to Iowa!! Sunday we drove to Madison, WI, and spent some time there. Basically, for every day I didn't go to the gym this week, I probably consumed an extra 2,000 delicious calories. I have eaten at a Chipotle, Noodles and Co, and Jimmy John's in the last three days! Not to mention the Taste of Madison festival where I had my first ever falafel! This means that I haven't been in Cedar Rapids lately, the crappy food capital of the nation. And that my stomach is very happy!

I saw something that really disturbed me on Thursday night. I was at the Iowa State football game, which was worlds different from A&M football. To begin with, I almost needed a jacket on the last day of August!! As I approached the north end (where there was no sign of the Fightin' Texas Aggie Band), I saw a gigantic sign that said, "Turn to Jesus! You are headed for hell! Rev 20:15." I didn't think much of it, until we were actually waiting to go into the game. Picture the mob scene around the gates of a stadium. Smack dab in the middle of the mob was a girl holding this huge banner above her head, and I noticed a guy a few yards down from her, also with a similar sign. The girl was screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU ARE ALL HYPOCRITES! YOU ARE SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT OVER A FOOTBALL GAME!" The guy was yelling, "YOU ALL ARE PATHETIC! YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME AT THIS ATHLETIC EVENT TO FILL YOUR MEANINGLESS, PATHETIC LIVES!" At which point people from the crowd were saying "Go back to Iowa City, Hawkeye fan!" or "Ok, guys, let's all convert now!" and other things that, quite frankly, were sadly humorous.

I would love to know what these people think they are accomplishing. Do I think anyone became a Christian as a result of their insults? In a word, NO. I'm not absolutely writing off the possibility, I guess, but call me a skeptic. Maybe there is one person who will, years down the road, say, "I'll never forget it, I was at a football game in 2006, and this girl was basically insulting me and telling me I was going to hell, and I saw the light." I just don't think it's likely. I'm not gonna lie, it left a bad taste in my mouth for "Christians."

Mainly, I wanted to march up to them, Miller Lite in hand, and tell them that it's possible to believe that my life is in the book of life, that I do have a Savior, and I can even (gasp!) enjoy a football game! I have yet to figure out how those things are mutually exclusive.

As Christians, it is certainly our job to warn. But that is only part of our job. And by excluding the other parts of our job, mainly the grace that comes through faith, are we not failing?

My last question, would it have done more good for them to have stayed home on Thursday?

If it came down to it...

2006-08-28T18:40:00.000-04:00

The average month has 30.42 days in it, which means I make approximately 26.42 excuses daily for not using my gym membership. (Ok, it's not quite that bad...every month anyway...) In any case, this week I am going to chronicle the excuses as I make them up. Then you can decide whether or not they are valid.

Yesterday (Sunday) I did not go to the gym, but I did take about an hour-long bike ride on my new bike! (Ain't she purdy??) It wasn't necessarily rigorous exercise, but it's definitely better than just sitting on the couch, right? (Which is exactly what I did the other 61.5 hours of this weekend.) Note that I did not use the "day of rest" excuse. That will be reserved for another Sunday.

Tonight, I had really good intentions, but I'm instead going to watch co-workers play volleyball. I like volleyball, I like beer, and I haven't hung out with my co-workers in, well, 41 minutes.

Also on my mind: this article. Read it first before going on, pay attention to the part about Islam, and answer this question: What would you do in their situation?

Go on, read it!

Really!!

I gotta be honest with you, the thought of being in this situation terrifies me. It's really easy for me to sit here and say, "I would never denounce my faith," but how do I know? I've also never been held at gunpoint, and I have no idea what my reaction would be. This morning, I found myself thinking, well, it doesn't matter, they would be empty words anyway. I quickly realized how unimportant that is. Would I be so scared for my life that I would lose any trust I have in God?

I think about Peter denying Jesus, and how we say we would never do the same thing. Well, Peter said that too! I find myself more sympathetic to Peter than I used to be...he was fearing for his life. He didn't know what would happen. He didn't understand all the things that Jesus had said during his ministry the way that we understand them today. I can't say I wouldn't have reacted the same way. I'm thankful that God is bigger than my doubts.

Anyway, just something to think about. Please leave comments.

Friday comments

2006-08-25T18:37:00.000-04:00

A couple of quotes that have been going through my head all day:

"The Christian life is not hard. The Christian life is not difficult. The Christian life is IMPOSSIBLE unless we abide in Christ." --Gregg Matte

"Will there come a day when our faces will not raise up from the dust? Will we then still say that this mercy is our only trust?" --Sandra McCracken (in her typically eloquent, slighty enigmatic fashion)

Things I've wanted to blog about but just haven't gotten around to:
Discipline
Christian platitudes
A Boy
And now that Derek has called me out on my statement about organic foods, I guess I'll have to articulate that soon, too. ;)

Maybe this weekend, I'll touch on one of those subjects...

Super Size Me

2006-08-23T21:16:00.000-04:00

If anyone knows me at all, they know I love to eat, love to cook, and I love to learn about eating and cooking and food. So last night, I finally sat down to watch Super Size Me, the documentary by Morgan Spurlock. While filming this movie, he eats McDonald's three times a day for 30 days.

My overall review: GREAT movie. I would highly recommend watching it. I didn't really know what to expect. Honestly, I was expecting more propaganda, a la Fast Food Nation, (which is an interesting read itself, but much more dramatic). I was impressed by the scope of health issues that the movie covered. Also, Spurlock makes this movie really entertaining.

Did you know that the island of Manhattan, approximately 22 square miles, has 83 (EIGHTY-THREE!) McDonald's? That McDonald's serves 46 million people a day worldwide? That McDonald's spent 1.4 BILLION dollars on advertising in 2001?

It really got me thinking about what we put through our bodies. This guy ate 30 pounds of sugar in a month of eating McDonalds. A whole pound a day! After this movie was over, I vowed to eat nothing but fruits and vegetables. (Of course, I had chicken for lunch today...oh yeah, and Cheetos...so much for that.) Or at least, figure out what the heck this pyramid means, and why it is better than the more straightforward one I was introduced to in middle school. In any case, we eat food that is loaded with preservatives and sugar and sodium...overall, food that is getting further and further from the actual natural ingredients. I've never really worried about it, until I read last week that raw meat is often sold with broth added to it to keep it flavorful but lean. So even our "natural" foods have extra sodium and chemicals in them. I really do try to shop the perimeter of the grocery store, because it's where the unprocessed foods are. But now I will be paying even more attention to what I'm buying. And the thing is, I'm pretty against the idea of paying for organic foods, for reasons I won't get into. And furthermore, the crappy foods taste SO good, and they're so cheap! And when it comes down to it, how much do I care, when it's just so much easier to eat badly?

Anyway, if you watch the movie, be sure to watch "The Smoking Fry" in the bonus material (it will blow you away), and be sure to let me know what you think!!

Tongue twisters

2006-07-31T23:40:00.000-04:00

Tongue twisters: we all know some, and we all think we can say them when we hear them. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Betty Botter...and something about bitter butter. Unique New York. She sells sea shells by the sea shore. And one that is far less nonsensical:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)

The Bible is filled with words that baffle me, remind me of how awesome God is, humble me, and can suddenly hit me with new meaning even after hearing them over and over. It contains beautiful exhortations such as "Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." (Hebrews 12:1) It has eloquent poetry like "We are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?" (2 Corinthians 2:15-16)

On the other hand, Paul seems to almost stumble over his words in Romans 7. "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing." Now this sounds like something I would write! The frustration of being human. The way I can think about God and have sinful thoughts at virtually the same moment. (How does that work? I usually have trouble walking in a straight line...) I am continually amazed by my struggle with my humanness. I mean well, but it just doesn't work out. It angers me that I can be as indifferent as I am sometimes, but it happens without my even thinking about it. I try my best to do things perfectly, but I fail. There are times I simply screw up.

These verses comfort me in a such a way that it seems I am constantly reciting them in my head. Unfortuately, it is not because I have answers to this problem. Rather, the comfort comes from knowing that God has provided an answer. "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." (Romans 8:1)

There is a song that illustrates this beautifully. It's called "You Did That for Me" by Sara Groves. I "borrowed" the cd from my roommate for um, like a year, and I still wish it would have "accidentally" "fallen" into a box when I moved out. How much simpler can it get? I don't have to beat myself up over what I've done or not done, because it's all been done for me. This song's message brought me peace, on nights like tonight, when I do not understand what I do.

A good laugh...

2006-07-11T22:19:00.000-04:00

I ran across this funny link just now while looking through very old emails. I remember laughing at this until I cried. This might have been the result of having lived in hotels for two months at the time, but I don't think so because I opened it up tonight and laughed almost as hard.

I love baseball. It's a great sport.

Time to resurrect the blog...

2006-07-10T23:21:00.000-04:00

I don't know why it's been over a year since I've posted. I'd like to have a place to collect random thoughts, though, and this seems as good a place as any...

I saw The Devil Wears Prada tonight. This is the second movie I've seen in the past nine months that I've liked better than the book, the other one being In Her Shoes. I think this might say something about the quality of literature that I am reading. Maybe I should stay away from the chick lit genre.

Speaking of books, I'm also reading Conspiracy of Fools, about Enron. For some reason, this story fascinates me. Kurt Eichenwald also penned The Informant, about the ADM scandal, which I have a bit of interest in, as well. ;) I'm not done with Conspiracy of Fools, but I recommend either if you're looking for some interesting non-fiction.

As Miranda Priestly would say, "That's all."

The Same Old Struggle

2005-05-18T01:15:00.000-04:00

We were talking about blogs yesterday at work...as it turned out, I was the only person who really knew/understood what they were. I admitted I had one, and then felt really silly! I've gone from feeling really old at school to feeling like a mere babe at work. Anyway, I also realized how long it's been since I've blogged.

Appropriately, today I was blind-sided by something I feel compelled to write about. My parents were visiting me in this lovely state (shaped like a cracker, as Derek pointed out), and once again made fun of me for all the CDs I own. Dad said it would take me three years to listen to all of them. So I decided to actually listen to all of my CDs to see how long it would take. I have close to 200 CDs, so I figure it will probably take a few months. We'll see. Anyway, the point is that I'm listening to a bunch of CDs I haven't listened to in a while. Tonight I got to Big Tent Revival, which is one of the few CDs I have with only one song on there I like, "Two Set of Joneses." The song is basically a paraphrase of the parable of the wise and foolish builders, applied to two married couples. One of the lines says, "Reuben and Sue they had nothing but Jesus, and at night they would pray that he cared for them each."

Now, Reuben and Sue, as far as I know, are fictional characters. But my eyes welled up with tears of admiration for this couple. What would it take me to be completely reliant on God? Is it going to take a tragedy? When will I just believe and not doubt? When will I have to stop praying "I do believe, forgive my unbelief?" Does the fact that I am so blessed made me less reliant on God? I ask that at the risk of sounding ungrateful...but that's not my intent.

How does one become reliant on God? How many times a day do we have to relinquish control back to God? Why wouldn't we let God worry about all this stuff for us? As a silly example, if I could be somehow guaranteed that someone else would take care of all my finances - bills, paychecks, 401k, investing, giving, etc, etc, and my money would always be absolutely taken care of in the best way possible, without my even thinking about it, wouldn't I turn it over in a second? Like Forrest Gump, "One less thing, you know?" I have the strongest guarantee that a loving God is going to make all things work for good for ME - yet I worry and fret and try to go it on my own. I'm not very smart!!

The good thing is, that I DO have a God who loves me, who I can depend upon even when I'm not depending upon him, and who paid the ultimate price so that he can be with me. And that's something I can sleep on.

Mere Repentance

2005-03-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

A thought-provoking quote from Mere Christianity:

Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are the more you need to repent and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person -- and he would not need it.

Couldn't have said it better myself, actually. I know I can sin with the best of them, and I hate those sins, but here I read that I can't do anything to fix them. Ah yes, we're back to the part where we can do nothing for ourselves. I'm continually amazed at how little my faith, and God's forgiveness, have to do with me. In fact, repentance isn't so much an action on my part, but rather a description of turning back to God, of realizing, once again, how much I hate my sinful nature. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 7, godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation. The most amazing part is that God recognizes our repentance, and forgives, even while He knows that this sorrow will soon fade as we live our lives.

Anyway, perhaps more on that when it's not bedtime!

Training Day

2005-02-21T01:49:00.000-05:00

Time for a new post...it’s late, I don't have to work tomorrow, and I'm feeling like writing. I've spent the last two days doing practically nothing. That's a weird feeling for me. It's definitely a bittersweet feeling. It's nice to not have to worry about doing a darn thing all day. Luxurious, almost, to know that there's no one counting on me, that I have no responsibilities, and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. To the contrary, it's depressing to know that there's no one counting on me, that I have no responsibilities for the day, and well, the not having to do anything I don't want to do is still nice. It seems as though the biggest change for me is that the pace of my life has slowed way down, a fact that I still haven't digested. Last weekend, I was sitting in my pastor's office in St. Louis, and we were reminiscing about ULC and he looked at me and said, "But that time in our lives is over.” And what I seriously thought was, “Well, maybe for you, it is.” And then I realized he was right. And that thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

I've completed week five of training. It's been an interesting trip. I've joined a man's world, witnessed by the party I attended on Friday night at a co-worker's house, at which I was the lone female. (And PLEASE don't ask me if they were unattached. It's already gotten old.) However, I've found that most of the people who work for ADM are phenomenal. It's amazing how many people in this company truly enjoy their job. It makes me feel blessed to be in such a situation. I guess I always expected to have a job I hated. I mean, isn’t that how it generally works. That’s why Office Space is so funny, right? But the past five weeks have shown me that I could definitely enjoy what I’m doing. I'll just have to wait and see what happens!

I've been living in a hotel for five weeks, and I'll likely be living in one for another four weeks or so, by the time I get into an apartment. Funny story - I had a pile of papers and other random crap on the desk by my laptop, and I cleaned up the other night, and there happened to be a dollar bill under some of the papers. I didn't think much of it, and left it there but I came home on Friday evening and found a note that said, "Thanks for the tip! Housekeeping" I laughed as hard as I have since I started this job. Is it customary to tip the maid? Or perhaps the more important question, is leaving only a dollar being cheap?? (Yes, Mom, I know I shouldn’t leave money lying around.)

By the way, the four most beautiful words in the English language: “Pitchers and catchers report.”

I’ve been introduced to a praise song that I like as much as any praise song I’ve heard the past few years. It’s called “How Deep the Father’s Love.” The last verse especially, blows me away:

I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom.

For Lent, I decided to get back in the habit of reading my Bible every day. This is a habit I got into a long time ago, but fell out of in grad school. No excuses, really. Anyway, last night, I read 1 Tim 4. Verse 7 says, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales, rather train yourself to be godly." I'm sure I'd heard that verse before, but it hit especially hard last night. Two parallels occurred to me. The first, more obvious connection is the comparison to an athlete training. When someone is training, it pervades his every activity. Training is not an isolated part of an athlete’s life. It doesn’t solely occur when he is at the gym. It affects what he eats, drinks, and all his other activities. In order to be most effective, training can’t be a half-hearted attempt. It’s sort of like my efforts to exercise and make healthy meals while I have a hotel room with a kitchenette, while I also keep two pints of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. (Anyone tried the Peanut Butter Cookie Dough? They might as well have called that Betsyjo’s Batch.) Anyway, any activities that don’t support the training routine can only keep physical condition in maintenance mode. In the same way, it seems like any activities that don’t completely train me in Christ’s ways can, at best, keep my faith where it is. And that’s if I’m lucky.

The other kind of training that I thought about was the kind of training I am doing right now. I’m getting involved with the different activities of ADM, which has exposed me to things I didn’t even know existed. I thought about what a great analogy this provides for training myself to be godly. I have been told repeatedly to do two things. First, learn as much as I can. I can do this by being in the Word, going to church, finding a Bible study, etc. This will undoubtedly expose me to things I’ve never seen before. Which leads to…the second thing I’ve been told to do is to ask lots of questions. I have learned to be inquisitive the past five weeks. Asking a lot of questions isn’t a natural impulse to me. I’ve usually been quite content to sit back and take it all in. But I realized that is wasting valuable resources. Even if I’m relatively sure of the answer, if I ask an expert, they’ll usually expand the answer into something I haven’t heard before. So I’ve learned that questions are a good way to learn. So can I ask God questions? Will he teach me? As a matter of fact, God answers my question by saying, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3) Sometimes, God will show me the answers quickly. Sometimes He might not. And sometimes, just as in my current training, the answer is, in so many words, “You just wouldn’t understand that right now.”

May our training regimens be rigorous.

A New Post...Finally

2005-01-22T03:39:00.000-05:00

Reading over my few past posts from what seems like years ago, I realize how much I expected my life to change. And that it has. I recently graduated from grad school, a reality that has yet to take hold. I took a job with Archer Daniels Midland, a company that has blown me away after just one week of employment. I've moved out of the house I'd been in for well over three years, and threw almost as much stuff away as I packed. And I'm living in a hotel for seven weeks while I go through the ADM training program, visiting exciting towns in Illinois, Iowa, and Indiana. Oh yeah, and freezing.

Ever heard of ADM? I realized that few people actually know anything about them when I started talking about this job. But literally everyone in this nation has some ADM products in their possession. Believe me? Well, let's see....do you like soft drinks? Ever read the ingredients? High fructose corn syrup? Likely an ADM product. Oreo cookies? ADM's black cocoa. Eat chicken, pork, or beef? Those animals were probably fed with ADM soy meal or special feed ingredients that help growth. Listerine? Made with ethanol, the same stuff that makes bio-diesel products. Vodka and other liquors? Might be ADM ethanol as well. Hair gel or Bath and Body Works lotion? Both contain ethanol. Chewing gum? Dextrose, sucrose, sorbitol and other ingredients all come from corn. Flour goes into Sara Lee and General Mills products, among others. We sell oil to Burger King, Chick-Fil-A, KFC, A&W, Long John Silvers, Taco Bell and others for frying, and also provide the private label vegetable oil brands to Walmart, Kroger and other grocery stores. The exhaustive list of ADM's products is phenomenal, so I'll just stop there. So, along with the excitement about the new job comes the feeling of horror when I realize how much I have to learn. I wonder if I can pick it all up...but I'm sure I'll be just fine. At least I'll keep telling myself that.

Well, I have a lot more time on my hands these days...so I'm finally going to read Mere Christianity all the way through. I'm only a few chapters through it, but C.S. Lewis has a lot of good things to say. More on that to come, I'm sure. Blogging will give me something to do on, ahem, Friday nights. For now, it's bedtime.

Random Thoughts from Me! (That's why you're here, right?!)

2004-10-19T04:00:00.000-04:00

Well, I've discovered that my favorite part of blogging is the comments I get! How exciting! Please leave more!

Life amazes me. I've run the gamut of emotions the last couple days. Laughing so hard at Brian Regan last night that my back is literally sore today, frustrated with school, MAD about school, having fun at lunch with my sister, excited because I actually felt like I accomplished something meaningful at work today, happy to have dinner with a friend and hang out with the roomies, ecstatic because the Red Sox won, then the Astros, and now just not really wanting to go to bed. Probably because I have a midterm tomorrow. All these little pieces of my life that fit together to make...my life. And my life's pretty cool, if you ask me.

Other things filed away in the "Random" drawer. The Red Sox Nation "believing!" Even when their team is down 3-0. What's up with that? I'm even a pretty big Red Sox fan, and I definitely wrote them off. Sometimes sports teaches me a lot about living out my faith. I can scream my head off at Aggie football games and let everyone know what I think, whether I've known them for years, or met them that day. But my faith - it's "private." Or about hope...I have this amazing hope of heaven, something that's so far beyond my imagination that it's almost intimidating, yet I can go through an entire day and not even think about it. But I guarantee you that all day tomorrow I will be waiting for the Red Sox game to start. Isn't it so much easier to get involved in something when the effects of said thing are trivial? Much less risky. Isn't it easier to cheer for something that won't offend anyone, or make you look stupid? Why in the world would I even let that change anything? As my pastor said in Sunday school yesterday, "I think we'd be surprised what would happen if we were a little more bold."

I think I'll end on that. Good night!

Why Mom can always make me smile

2004-10-07T00:21:00.000-04:00

This was my mom's response to learning I had a blog (on IM):
"I don't exactly know what a BLOG is but I did read yours. yes, i would VEHEMENTLY deny that I'm worried about your single status. but at least i was quoted on some web thing!"

Mom, now you've been quoted twice!! I love you because you're sweet and you're probably one of two people who actually reads this! ;)

"I'm asking you to trust Me."

2004-10-06T02:07:00.000-04:00

Lord, I ask more questions
Than you ask.
The ratio, I would suppose,
Is ten to one.

I ask:
Why do you permit this anguish?
How long can I endure it?
What possible purpose does it serve?
Have you forgotten to be gracious?
Have I wearied You?
Have I offended You?
Have you cast me off?
Where did I miss Your guidance?
When did I lose the way?
Do You see my utter despair?

You ask:
Are you trusting me?
-Ruth Harms Calkin

I don't remember the first time I saw this poem, or where I read it, but it conveys a sentiment that I have been thinking about for the past two weeks. I am at a point in my life where change is imminent. What the changes will entail are as yet a complete mystery to me. With those mysteries comes this overwhelming urge to question. How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life? Why can't figuring all this out be easier? I know you promised me this, Lord, but what if...? And the answer keeps coming back to me, "I'm asking you to trust Me." When I am stressed from wondering how I will get all my schoolwork done without breaking down, I hear, "I'm asking you to trust Me."

Does that answer everything? "How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life?" "Trust Me." "Why can't figuring all this out be easier?" "Are you trusting me?" "What if...." "Trust me, I've already promised that I have it all worked out." Yep, it seems as though the answer is right there.

In a Bible study two weeks ago, we read Luke 9:1-6:
"When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey--no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them." So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere."

The result? Luke 23:35
"Then Jesus asked [the twelve], 'When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?' 'Nothing,' they answered."

My response to this passage is to wonder whether or not all of these disciples actually followed Jesus' orders. No doubt they were committed to God. They had given up their lives, their homes, their security for this man, who was supposedly the Messiah. But isn't it possible that one of these guys stuck a roll in his robe? I can follow his logic easily: "Ok, Lord, I understand the bag - extra luggage is cumbersome. Money? You'll provide for us. Extra tunic? Whatever you say. But you expect me to walk all the way to the next village without even a snack? Uh, swell."

I seem to be the same way. I'm quite content in some areas, but some things I can't seem to hand over to God. And yet he's there, calming me, reminding me with this simple statement: "I'm asking you to trust Me."

Inaugural Blog

2004-09-23T01:40:00.000-04:00

So I've always thought having a blog would be fun, but thought it arrogant to assume that other people care what's on my mind. But I'm over that bit of modesty, so we're off.

So the Bachelor premiered tonight, and yes, I realize that it's pathetic that I'm writing about it in my first ever blog. While I could write paragraphs about the utter silliness that is this show, this isn't at all why I'm writing. I left an away message up that said "Time to watch the Bachelor (Don't judge...)." My mom, who has mastered IM over the past month or so, replied, "Maybe you should try to be ON the Bachelor...!"

A witty comment here would be most appropriate, but I was left rather speechless. As my sister aptly put it, "You're not skanky enough." At least I hope that's apt. Anyway, over the course of the two-hour premiere of what promises to be another annoying season, I heard this about a million times: "I'm confident that my soulmate is standing in front of me right now." Interesting, isn't it, that people look everywhere for their soulmate, and this guy is somehow confident that the ABC producers have found her for him.

Which brings me to my point. My very wise youth leader told me once that he believes that there are thousands of people around us who we could potentially fall in love with and marry. His rationale was simple: Arranged marriages are common in many other cultures, and while they started out as a matter of course, or convenience, or a nice dowry, they often turned into genuinely loving relationships. This is the result of a love of action, not of feeling, which is a subject for an entirely different late-night ramble. In any case, this makes it more possible for this Bachelor, a pro-bass fisherman with long hair that sticks out from behind his ears, could find a "soulmate" in this situation, although I'm sure that if he's engaged at the end of the show, he won't say, "I promise to act like I love her, even when I don't." Again, another topic.

As I mentioned earlier, my mom is starting to get restless about my singleness, (an assertion that she would vehemently deny), to the point that she is (kiddingly) suggesting I should get on the Bachelor and make a fool of myself. But under my youth leader's logic, I now don't have to wait for the one, but it could be any one of many guys that I run into? Wouldn't that make it even harder? Maybe I should be more worried about being single!

The cool thing about all this is that God knows exactly who I will end up with, when it will happen, and so many other pieces of the puzzle that haven't even crossed my mind. So the possibilities are endless, but the end result is perfectly lined up for me. It's a perfect mix of excitement and promise. I think that's pretty awesome.

Don't you?