We were talking about blogs yesterday at work...as it turned out, I was the only person who really knew/understood what they were. I admitted I had one, and then felt really silly! I've gone from feeling really old at school to feeling like a mere babe at work. Anyway, I also realized how long it's been since I've blogged.
Appropriately, today I was blind-sided by something I feel compelled to write about. My parents were visiting me in this lovely state (shaped like a cracker, as Derek pointed out), and once again made fun of me for all the CDs I own. Dad said it would take me three years to listen to all of them. So I decided to actually listen to all of my CDs to see how long it would take. I have close to 200 CDs, so I figure it will probably take a few months. We'll see. Anyway, the point is that I'm listening to a bunch of CDs I haven't listened to in a while. Tonight I got to Big Tent Revival, which is one of the few CDs I have with only one song on there I like, "Two Set of Joneses." The song is basically a paraphrase of the parable of the wise and foolish builders, applied to two married couples. One of the lines says, "Reuben and Sue they had nothing but Jesus, and at night they would pray that he cared for them each."
Now, Reuben and Sue, as far as I know, are fictional characters. But my eyes welled up with tears of admiration for this couple. What would it take me to be completely reliant on God? Is it going to take a tragedy? When will I just believe and not doubt? When will I have to stop praying "I do believe, forgive my unbelief?" Does the fact that I am so blessed made me less reliant on God? I ask that at the risk of sounding ungrateful...but that's not my intent.
How does one become reliant on God? How many times a day do we have to relinquish control back to God? Why wouldn't we let God worry about all this stuff for us? As a silly example, if I could be somehow guaranteed that someone else would take care of all my finances - bills, paychecks, 401k, investing, giving, etc, etc, and my money would always be absolutely taken care of in the best way possible, without my even thinking about it, wouldn't I turn it over in a second? Like Forrest Gump, "One less thing, you know?" I have the strongest guarantee that a loving God is going to make all things work for good for ME - yet I worry and fret and try to go it on my own. I'm not very smart!!
The good thing is, that I DO have a God who loves me, who I can depend upon even when I'm not depending upon him, and who paid the ultimate price so that he can be with me. And that's something I can sleep on.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Mere Repentance
A thought-provoking quote from Mere Christianity:
Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are the more you need to repent and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person -- and he would not need it.
Couldn't have said it better myself, actually. I know I can sin with the best of them, and I hate those sins, but here I read that I can't do anything to fix them. Ah yes, we're back to the part where we can do nothing for ourselves. I'm continually amazed at how little my faith, and God's forgiveness, have to do with me. In fact, repentance isn't so much an action on my part, but rather a description of turning back to God, of realizing, once again, how much I hate my sinful nature. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 7, godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation. The most amazing part is that God recognizes our repentance, and forgives, even while He knows that this sorrow will soon fade as we live our lives.
Anyway, perhaps more on that when it's not bedtime!
Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are the more you need to repent and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person -- and he would not need it.
Couldn't have said it better myself, actually. I know I can sin with the best of them, and I hate those sins, but here I read that I can't do anything to fix them. Ah yes, we're back to the part where we can do nothing for ourselves. I'm continually amazed at how little my faith, and God's forgiveness, have to do with me. In fact, repentance isn't so much an action on my part, but rather a description of turning back to God, of realizing, once again, how much I hate my sinful nature. As Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 7, godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation. The most amazing part is that God recognizes our repentance, and forgives, even while He knows that this sorrow will soon fade as we live our lives.
Anyway, perhaps more on that when it's not bedtime!
Monday, February 21, 2005
Training Day
Time for a new post...it’s late, I don't have to work tomorrow, and I'm feeling like writing. I've spent the last two days doing practically nothing. That's a weird feeling for me. It's definitely a bittersweet feeling. It's nice to not have to worry about doing a darn thing all day. Luxurious, almost, to know that there's no one counting on me, that I have no responsibilities, and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. To the contrary, it's depressing to know that there's no one counting on me, that I have no responsibilities for the day, and well, the not having to do anything I don't want to do is still nice. It seems as though the biggest change for me is that the pace of my life has slowed way down, a fact that I still haven't digested. Last weekend, I was sitting in my pastor's office in St. Louis, and we were reminiscing about ULC and he looked at me and said, "But that time in our lives is over.” And what I seriously thought was, “Well, maybe for you, it is.” And then I realized he was right. And that thought hit me like a ton of bricks.
I've completed week five of training. It's been an interesting trip. I've joined a man's world, witnessed by the party I attended on Friday night at a co-worker's house, at which I was the lone female. (And PLEASE don't ask me if they were unattached. It's already gotten old.) However, I've found that most of the people who work for ADM are phenomenal. It's amazing how many people in this company truly enjoy their job. It makes me feel blessed to be in such a situation. I guess I always expected to have a job I hated. I mean, isn’t that how it generally works. That’s why Office Space is so funny, right? But the past five weeks have shown me that I could definitely enjoy what I’m doing. I'll just have to wait and see what happens!
I've been living in a hotel for five weeks, and I'll likely be living in one for another four weeks or so, by the time I get into an apartment. Funny story - I had a pile of papers and other random crap on the desk by my laptop, and I cleaned up the other night, and there happened to be a dollar bill under some of the papers. I didn't think much of it, and left it there but I came home on Friday evening and found a note that said, "Thanks for the tip! Housekeeping" I laughed as hard as I have since I started this job. Is it customary to tip the maid? Or perhaps the more important question, is leaving only a dollar being cheap?? (Yes, Mom, I know I shouldn’t leave money lying around.)
By the way, the four most beautiful words in the English language: “Pitchers and catchers report.”
I’ve been introduced to a praise song that I like as much as any praise song I’ve heard the past few years. It’s called “How Deep the Father’s Love.” The last verse especially, blows me away:
I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom.
For Lent, I decided to get back in the habit of reading my Bible every day. This is a habit I got into a long time ago, but fell out of in grad school. No excuses, really. Anyway, last night, I read 1 Tim 4. Verse 7 says, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales, rather train yourself to be godly." I'm sure I'd heard that verse before, but it hit especially hard last night. Two parallels occurred to me. The first, more obvious connection is the comparison to an athlete training. When someone is training, it pervades his every activity. Training is not an isolated part of an athlete’s life. It doesn’t solely occur when he is at the gym. It affects what he eats, drinks, and all his other activities. In order to be most effective, training can’t be a half-hearted attempt. It’s sort of like my efforts to exercise and make healthy meals while I have a hotel room with a kitchenette, while I also keep two pints of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. (Anyone tried the Peanut Butter Cookie Dough? They might as well have called that Betsyjo’s Batch.) Anyway, any activities that don’t support the training routine can only keep physical condition in maintenance mode. In the same way, it seems like any activities that don’t completely train me in Christ’s ways can, at best, keep my faith where it is. And that’s if I’m lucky.
The other kind of training that I thought about was the kind of training I am doing right now. I’m getting involved with the different activities of ADM, which has exposed me to things I didn’t even know existed. I thought about what a great analogy this provides for training myself to be godly. I have been told repeatedly to do two things. First, learn as much as I can. I can do this by being in the Word, going to church, finding a Bible study, etc. This will undoubtedly expose me to things I’ve never seen before. Which leads to…the second thing I’ve been told to do is to ask lots of questions. I have learned to be inquisitive the past five weeks. Asking a lot of questions isn’t a natural impulse to me. I’ve usually been quite content to sit back and take it all in. But I realized that is wasting valuable resources. Even if I’m relatively sure of the answer, if I ask an expert, they’ll usually expand the answer into something I haven’t heard before. So I’ve learned that questions are a good way to learn. So can I ask God questions? Will he teach me? As a matter of fact, God answers my question by saying, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3) Sometimes, God will show me the answers quickly. Sometimes He might not. And sometimes, just as in my current training, the answer is, in so many words, “You just wouldn’t understand that right now.”
May our training regimens be rigorous.
I've completed week five of training. It's been an interesting trip. I've joined a man's world, witnessed by the party I attended on Friday night at a co-worker's house, at which I was the lone female. (And PLEASE don't ask me if they were unattached. It's already gotten old.) However, I've found that most of the people who work for ADM are phenomenal. It's amazing how many people in this company truly enjoy their job. It makes me feel blessed to be in such a situation. I guess I always expected to have a job I hated. I mean, isn’t that how it generally works. That’s why Office Space is so funny, right? But the past five weeks have shown me that I could definitely enjoy what I’m doing. I'll just have to wait and see what happens!
I've been living in a hotel for five weeks, and I'll likely be living in one for another four weeks or so, by the time I get into an apartment. Funny story - I had a pile of papers and other random crap on the desk by my laptop, and I cleaned up the other night, and there happened to be a dollar bill under some of the papers. I didn't think much of it, and left it there but I came home on Friday evening and found a note that said, "Thanks for the tip! Housekeeping" I laughed as hard as I have since I started this job. Is it customary to tip the maid? Or perhaps the more important question, is leaving only a dollar being cheap?? (Yes, Mom, I know I shouldn’t leave money lying around.)
By the way, the four most beautiful words in the English language: “Pitchers and catchers report.”
I’ve been introduced to a praise song that I like as much as any praise song I’ve heard the past few years. It’s called “How Deep the Father’s Love.” The last verse especially, blows me away:
I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart: His wounds have paid my ransom.
For Lent, I decided to get back in the habit of reading my Bible every day. This is a habit I got into a long time ago, but fell out of in grad school. No excuses, really. Anyway, last night, I read 1 Tim 4. Verse 7 says, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales, rather train yourself to be godly." I'm sure I'd heard that verse before, but it hit especially hard last night. Two parallels occurred to me. The first, more obvious connection is the comparison to an athlete training. When someone is training, it pervades his every activity. Training is not an isolated part of an athlete’s life. It doesn’t solely occur when he is at the gym. It affects what he eats, drinks, and all his other activities. In order to be most effective, training can’t be a half-hearted attempt. It’s sort of like my efforts to exercise and make healthy meals while I have a hotel room with a kitchenette, while I also keep two pints of Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. (Anyone tried the Peanut Butter Cookie Dough? They might as well have called that Betsyjo’s Batch.) Anyway, any activities that don’t support the training routine can only keep physical condition in maintenance mode. In the same way, it seems like any activities that don’t completely train me in Christ’s ways can, at best, keep my faith where it is. And that’s if I’m lucky.
The other kind of training that I thought about was the kind of training I am doing right now. I’m getting involved with the different activities of ADM, which has exposed me to things I didn’t even know existed. I thought about what a great analogy this provides for training myself to be godly. I have been told repeatedly to do two things. First, learn as much as I can. I can do this by being in the Word, going to church, finding a Bible study, etc. This will undoubtedly expose me to things I’ve never seen before. Which leads to…the second thing I’ve been told to do is to ask lots of questions. I have learned to be inquisitive the past five weeks. Asking a lot of questions isn’t a natural impulse to me. I’ve usually been quite content to sit back and take it all in. But I realized that is wasting valuable resources. Even if I’m relatively sure of the answer, if I ask an expert, they’ll usually expand the answer into something I haven’t heard before. So I’ve learned that questions are a good way to learn. So can I ask God questions? Will he teach me? As a matter of fact, God answers my question by saying, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:3) Sometimes, God will show me the answers quickly. Sometimes He might not. And sometimes, just as in my current training, the answer is, in so many words, “You just wouldn’t understand that right now.”
May our training regimens be rigorous.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
A New Post...Finally
Reading over my few past posts from what seems like years ago, I realize how much I expected my life to change. And that it has. I recently graduated from grad school, a reality that has yet to take hold. I took a job with Archer Daniels Midland, a company that has blown me away after just one week of employment. I've moved out of the house I'd been in for well over three years, and threw almost as much stuff away as I packed. And I'm living in a hotel for seven weeks while I go through the ADM training program, visiting exciting towns in Illinois, Iowa, and Indiana. Oh yeah, and freezing.
Ever heard of ADM? I realized that few people actually know anything about them when I started talking about this job. But literally everyone in this nation has some ADM products in their possession. Believe me? Well, let's see....do you like soft drinks? Ever read the ingredients? High fructose corn syrup? Likely an ADM product. Oreo cookies? ADM's black cocoa. Eat chicken, pork, or beef? Those animals were probably fed with ADM soy meal or special feed ingredients that help growth. Listerine? Made with ethanol, the same stuff that makes bio-diesel products. Vodka and other liquors? Might be ADM ethanol as well. Hair gel or Bath and Body Works lotion? Both contain ethanol. Chewing gum? Dextrose, sucrose, sorbitol and other ingredients all come from corn. Flour goes into Sara Lee and General Mills products, among others. We sell oil to Burger King, Chick-Fil-A, KFC, A&W, Long John Silvers, Taco Bell and others for frying, and also provide the private label vegetable oil brands to Walmart, Kroger and other grocery stores. The exhaustive list of ADM's products is phenomenal, so I'll just stop there. So, along with the excitement about the new job comes the feeling of horror when I realize how much I have to learn. I wonder if I can pick it all up...but I'm sure I'll be just fine. At least I'll keep telling myself that.
Well, I have a lot more time on my hands these days...so I'm finally going to read Mere Christianity all the way through. I'm only a few chapters through it, but C.S. Lewis has a lot of good things to say. More on that to come, I'm sure. Blogging will give me something to do on, ahem, Friday nights. For now, it's bedtime.
Ever heard of ADM? I realized that few people actually know anything about them when I started talking about this job. But literally everyone in this nation has some ADM products in their possession. Believe me? Well, let's see....do you like soft drinks? Ever read the ingredients? High fructose corn syrup? Likely an ADM product. Oreo cookies? ADM's black cocoa. Eat chicken, pork, or beef? Those animals were probably fed with ADM soy meal or special feed ingredients that help growth. Listerine? Made with ethanol, the same stuff that makes bio-diesel products. Vodka and other liquors? Might be ADM ethanol as well. Hair gel or Bath and Body Works lotion? Both contain ethanol. Chewing gum? Dextrose, sucrose, sorbitol and other ingredients all come from corn. Flour goes into Sara Lee and General Mills products, among others. We sell oil to Burger King, Chick-Fil-A, KFC, A&W, Long John Silvers, Taco Bell and others for frying, and also provide the private label vegetable oil brands to Walmart, Kroger and other grocery stores. The exhaustive list of ADM's products is phenomenal, so I'll just stop there. So, along with the excitement about the new job comes the feeling of horror when I realize how much I have to learn. I wonder if I can pick it all up...but I'm sure I'll be just fine. At least I'll keep telling myself that.
Well, I have a lot more time on my hands these days...so I'm finally going to read Mere Christianity all the way through. I'm only a few chapters through it, but C.S. Lewis has a lot of good things to say. More on that to come, I'm sure. Blogging will give me something to do on, ahem, Friday nights. For now, it's bedtime.
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