Well, I've discovered that my favorite part of blogging is the comments I get! How exciting! Please leave more!
Life amazes me. I've run the gamut of emotions the last couple days. Laughing so hard at Brian Regan last night that my back is literally sore today, frustrated with school, MAD about school, having fun at lunch with my sister, excited because I actually felt like I accomplished something meaningful at work today, happy to have dinner with a friend and hang out with the roomies, ecstatic because the Red Sox won, then the Astros, and now just not really wanting to go to bed. Probably because I have a midterm tomorrow. All these little pieces of my life that fit together to make...my life. And my life's pretty cool, if you ask me.
Other things filed away in the "Random" drawer. The Red Sox Nation "believing!" Even when their team is down 3-0. What's up with that? I'm even a pretty big Red Sox fan, and I definitely wrote them off. Sometimes sports teaches me a lot about living out my faith. I can scream my head off at Aggie football games and let everyone know what I think, whether I've known them for years, or met them that day. But my faith - it's "private." Or about hope...I have this amazing hope of heaven, something that's so far beyond my imagination that it's almost intimidating, yet I can go through an entire day and not even think about it. But I guarantee you that all day tomorrow I will be waiting for the Red Sox game to start. Isn't it so much easier to get involved in something when the effects of said thing are trivial? Much less risky. Isn't it easier to cheer for something that won't offend anyone, or make you look stupid? Why in the world would I even let that change anything? As my pastor said in Sunday school yesterday, "I think we'd be surprised what would happen if we were a little more bold."
I think I'll end on that. Good night!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Why Mom can always make me smile
This was my mom's response to learning I had a blog (on IM):
"I don't exactly know what a BLOG is but I did read yours. yes, i would VEHEMENTLY deny that I'm worried about your single status. but at least i was quoted on some web thing!"
Mom, now you've been quoted twice!! I love you because you're sweet and you're probably one of two people who actually reads this! ;)
"I don't exactly know what a BLOG is but I did read yours. yes, i would VEHEMENTLY deny that I'm worried about your single status. but at least i was quoted on some web thing!"
Mom, now you've been quoted twice!! I love you because you're sweet and you're probably one of two people who actually reads this! ;)
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
"I'm asking you to trust Me."
Lord, I ask more questions
Than you ask.
The ratio, I would suppose,
Is ten to one.
I ask:
Why do you permit this anguish?
How long can I endure it?
What possible purpose does it serve?
Have you forgotten to be gracious?
Have I wearied You?
Have I offended You?
Have you cast me off?
Where did I miss Your guidance?
When did I lose the way?
Do You see my utter despair?
You ask:
Are you trusting me?
-Ruth Harms Calkin
I don't remember the first time I saw this poem, or where I read it, but it conveys a sentiment that I have been thinking about for the past two weeks. I am at a point in my life where change is imminent. What the changes will entail are as yet a complete mystery to me. With those mysteries comes this overwhelming urge to question. How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life? Why can't figuring all this out be easier? I know you promised me this, Lord, but what if...? And the answer keeps coming back to me, "I'm asking you to trust Me." When I am stressed from wondering how I will get all my schoolwork done without breaking down, I hear, "I'm asking you to trust Me."
Does that answer everything? "How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life?" "Trust Me." "Why can't figuring all this out be easier?" "Are you trusting me?" "What if...." "Trust me, I've already promised that I have it all worked out." Yep, it seems as though the answer is right there.
In a Bible study two weeks ago, we read Luke 9:1-6:
"When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey--no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them." So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere."
The result? Luke 23:35
"Then Jesus asked [the twelve], 'When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?' 'Nothing,' they answered."
My response to this passage is to wonder whether or not all of these disciples actually followed Jesus' orders. No doubt they were committed to God. They had given up their lives, their homes, their security for this man, who was supposedly the Messiah. But isn't it possible that one of these guys stuck a roll in his robe? I can follow his logic easily: "Ok, Lord, I understand the bag - extra luggage is cumbersome. Money? You'll provide for us. Extra tunic? Whatever you say. But you expect me to walk all the way to the next village without even a snack? Uh, swell."
I seem to be the same way. I'm quite content in some areas, but some things I can't seem to hand over to God. And yet he's there, calming me, reminding me with this simple statement: "I'm asking you to trust Me."
Than you ask.
The ratio, I would suppose,
Is ten to one.
I ask:
Why do you permit this anguish?
How long can I endure it?
What possible purpose does it serve?
Have you forgotten to be gracious?
Have I wearied You?
Have I offended You?
Have you cast me off?
Where did I miss Your guidance?
When did I lose the way?
Do You see my utter despair?
You ask:
Are you trusting me?
-Ruth Harms Calkin
I don't remember the first time I saw this poem, or where I read it, but it conveys a sentiment that I have been thinking about for the past two weeks. I am at a point in my life where change is imminent. What the changes will entail are as yet a complete mystery to me. With those mysteries comes this overwhelming urge to question. How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life? Why can't figuring all this out be easier? I know you promised me this, Lord, but what if...? And the answer keeps coming back to me, "I'm asking you to trust Me." When I am stressed from wondering how I will get all my schoolwork done without breaking down, I hear, "I'm asking you to trust Me."
Does that answer everything? "How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life?" "Trust Me." "Why can't figuring all this out be easier?" "Are you trusting me?" "What if...." "Trust me, I've already promised that I have it all worked out." Yep, it seems as though the answer is right there.
In a Bible study two weeks ago, we read Luke 9:1-6:
"When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey--no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them." So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere."
The result? Luke 23:35
"Then Jesus asked [the twelve], 'When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?' 'Nothing,' they answered."
My response to this passage is to wonder whether or not all of these disciples actually followed Jesus' orders. No doubt they were committed to God. They had given up their lives, their homes, their security for this man, who was supposedly the Messiah. But isn't it possible that one of these guys stuck a roll in his robe? I can follow his logic easily: "Ok, Lord, I understand the bag - extra luggage is cumbersome. Money? You'll provide for us. Extra tunic? Whatever you say. But you expect me to walk all the way to the next village without even a snack? Uh, swell."
I seem to be the same way. I'm quite content in some areas, but some things I can't seem to hand over to God. And yet he's there, calming me, reminding me with this simple statement: "I'm asking you to trust Me."
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Inaugural Blog
So I've always thought having a blog would be fun, but thought it arrogant to assume that other people care what's on my mind. But I'm over that bit of modesty, so we're off.
So the Bachelor premiered tonight, and yes, I realize that it's pathetic that I'm writing about it in my first ever blog. While I could write paragraphs about the utter silliness that is this show, this isn't at all why I'm writing. I left an away message up that said "Time to watch the Bachelor (Don't judge...)." My mom, who has mastered IM over the past month or so, replied, "Maybe you should try to be ON the Bachelor...!"
A witty comment here would be most appropriate, but I was left rather speechless. As my sister aptly put it, "You're not skanky enough." At least I hope that's apt. Anyway, over the course of the two-hour premiere of what promises to be another annoying season, I heard this about a million times: "I'm confident that my soulmate is standing in front of me right now." Interesting, isn't it, that people look everywhere for their soulmate, and this guy is somehow confident that the ABC producers have found her for him.
Which brings me to my point. My very wise youth leader told me once that he believes that there are thousands of people around us who we could potentially fall in love with and marry. His rationale was simple: Arranged marriages are common in many other cultures, and while they started out as a matter of course, or convenience, or a nice dowry, they often turned into genuinely loving relationships. This is the result of a love of action, not of feeling, which is a subject for an entirely different late-night ramble. In any case, this makes it more possible for this Bachelor, a pro-bass fisherman with long hair that sticks out from behind his ears, could find a "soulmate" in this situation, although I'm sure that if he's engaged at the end of the show, he won't say, "I promise to act like I love her, even when I don't." Again, another topic.
As I mentioned earlier, my mom is starting to get restless about my singleness, (an assertion that she would vehemently deny), to the point that she is (kiddingly) suggesting I should get on the Bachelor and make a fool of myself. But under my youth leader's logic, I now don't have to wait for the one, but it could be any one of many guys that I run into? Wouldn't that make it even harder? Maybe I should be more worried about being single!
The cool thing about all this is that God knows exactly who I will end up with, when it will happen, and so many other pieces of the puzzle that haven't even crossed my mind. So the possibilities are endless, but the end result is perfectly lined up for me. It's a perfect mix of excitement and promise. I think that's pretty awesome.
Don't you?
So the Bachelor premiered tonight, and yes, I realize that it's pathetic that I'm writing about it in my first ever blog. While I could write paragraphs about the utter silliness that is this show, this isn't at all why I'm writing. I left an away message up that said "Time to watch the Bachelor (Don't judge...)." My mom, who has mastered IM over the past month or so, replied, "Maybe you should try to be ON the Bachelor...!"
A witty comment here would be most appropriate, but I was left rather speechless. As my sister aptly put it, "You're not skanky enough." At least I hope that's apt. Anyway, over the course of the two-hour premiere of what promises to be another annoying season, I heard this about a million times: "I'm confident that my soulmate is standing in front of me right now." Interesting, isn't it, that people look everywhere for their soulmate, and this guy is somehow confident that the ABC producers have found her for him.
Which brings me to my point. My very wise youth leader told me once that he believes that there are thousands of people around us who we could potentially fall in love with and marry. His rationale was simple: Arranged marriages are common in many other cultures, and while they started out as a matter of course, or convenience, or a nice dowry, they often turned into genuinely loving relationships. This is the result of a love of action, not of feeling, which is a subject for an entirely different late-night ramble. In any case, this makes it more possible for this Bachelor, a pro-bass fisherman with long hair that sticks out from behind his ears, could find a "soulmate" in this situation, although I'm sure that if he's engaged at the end of the show, he won't say, "I promise to act like I love her, even when I don't." Again, another topic.
As I mentioned earlier, my mom is starting to get restless about my singleness, (an assertion that she would vehemently deny), to the point that she is (kiddingly) suggesting I should get on the Bachelor and make a fool of myself. But under my youth leader's logic, I now don't have to wait for the one, but it could be any one of many guys that I run into? Wouldn't that make it even harder? Maybe I should be more worried about being single!
The cool thing about all this is that God knows exactly who I will end up with, when it will happen, and so many other pieces of the puzzle that haven't even crossed my mind. So the possibilities are endless, but the end result is perfectly lined up for me. It's a perfect mix of excitement and promise. I think that's pretty awesome.
Don't you?
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