"I'm asking you to trust Me."

Lord, I ask more questions
Than you ask.
The ratio, I would suppose,
Is ten to one.

I ask:
Why do you permit this anguish?
How long can I endure it?
What possible purpose does it serve?
Have you forgotten to be gracious?
Have I wearied You?
Have I offended You?
Have you cast me off?
Where did I miss Your guidance?
When did I lose the way?
Do You see my utter despair?

You ask:
Are you trusting me?
-Ruth Harms Calkin

I don't remember the first time I saw this poem, or where I read it, but it conveys a sentiment that I have been thinking about for the past two weeks. I am at a point in my life where change is imminent. What the changes will entail are as yet a complete mystery to me. With those mysteries comes this overwhelming urge to question. How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life? Why can't figuring all this out be easier? I know you promised me this, Lord, but what if...? And the answer keeps coming back to me, "I'm asking you to trust Me." When I am stressed from wondering how I will get all my schoolwork done without breaking down, I hear, "I'm asking you to trust Me."

Does that answer everything? "How do I know what I am supposed to do with my life?" "Trust Me." "Why can't figuring all this out be easier?" "Are you trusting me?" "What if...." "Trust me, I've already promised that I have it all worked out." Yep, it seems as though the answer is right there.

In a Bible study two weeks ago, we read Luke 9:1-6:
"When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: "Take nothing for the journey--no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them." So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere."

The result? Luke 23:35
"Then Jesus asked [the twelve], 'When I sent you without purse, bag or sandals, did you lack anything?' 'Nothing,' they answered."

My response to this passage is to wonder whether or not all of these disciples actually followed Jesus' orders. No doubt they were committed to God. They had given up their lives, their homes, their security for this man, who was supposedly the Messiah. But isn't it possible that one of these guys stuck a roll in his robe? I can follow his logic easily: "Ok, Lord, I understand the bag - extra luggage is cumbersome. Money? You'll provide for us. Extra tunic? Whatever you say. But you expect me to walk all the way to the next village without even a snack? Uh, swell."

I seem to be the same way. I'm quite content in some areas, but some things I can't seem to hand over to God. And yet he's there, calming me, reminding me with this simple statement: "I'm asking you to trust Me."