Current View from My Front Door

Time to reassess?

To single folks out there, I'd like to offer the following as food for thought and discussion.

We all have it: the list of traits we'd like to see in our spouses. What's on your list? Mine has always gone something like this: "Strong Christian, spiritual leader, good sense of humor, gets along with my family and friends, someone I can have a good time with." Is yours similar?

My friend and I started a women's Bible study a couple weeks ago, and we're reading "Safe People" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. This week part of the first chapter got us talking about outward appearances, specifically how little they mean to God. We read Psalm 15, and then considered the following (lengthy) passage from this book.

One evening, I spoke to a group of Christian college students about dating and relationships. At the close of the talk, I asked, "What qualities do you look for in a potential date or mate?" The answers went something like this: "I want someone spiritual, godly, ambitious, fun to be with," and so on. They replied as I had expected. And that disturbed me, for as a counselor and as a person, I know that these are not the issues that cause relationships to break apart.

When I questioned the audience a bit further, asking them about character and relational issues, they were in the dark. They continued to give me broad religious answers and descriptions of people that had little to do with what the Bible actually says about relationships.

People in trouble don't say broad religious issues are the problem. They say:

He doesn't listen to me.
She is so “perfect” that she can't understand my struggles.
He seems so distant that I feel alone.
She always tries to control me.
He makes promises but really doesn't follow through.
He is condemning and judgmental.
She is always angry at me for something I did or didn't do.
I tend to be my worst self with him or her.
I cannot trust him....

When we listen to God address his problem relationships, the list is much more like the second than the first. He says that, among other things, his people are "far away" (Is 29:13), "unfaithful" (Josh 22:16), "proud and perfectionistic" (Deut 8:14, Ps 36:2), "unloving" (1 John 4:20), and “judgmental” (Rom 2:1).

God does not use religious terms and language when he discusses people. He talks about how people treat him and others, and whether or not they get things done as they said they would. In short, he looks at someone's character. He is looking at their makeup as a person and the way that that character interacts with him and the world…

Of course, no one sets out to find a mate with bad character. But it still happens. Are we valuing the right things? I have more than one friend who dated the guy or girl with all the right assets, and it actually was not at all what they were looking for.

Maybe this shouldn’t have been such a revelation to me, but it has made me reconsider just what my husband might look like. None of the things on my list is bad, but they really say very little about how this guy would treat me and take care of me on a daily basis. What exactly does it mean to be a “good Christian?” Or even a “spiritual leader?” Couldn’t it look a little different in just about every person? I’m sure I could find someone who really gets along with my friends and family who I have no interest in dating, and I can have a fantastic time with guys who I know I should never end up with.

When asked “What qualities do you look for in a potential date or mate?” what should our answer really look like?

Attention, Ladies

Have you heard of the Christian Working Woman? I listened to this radio program most mornings on my way to work in Iowa, but haven't found a good station and time to listen to it in Ohio. But you can subscribe to it by email. I highly recommend these devotions. They are so practical that the last two weeks, my friend and I have wondered whether she has been listening to our conversations.

Haikus are easy

So, my little sister got hitched this weekend, and there was much celebration! On the long trip down to College Station, Mom wrote the following haiku:

Sincere wedding wishes
Camille and Will pledge their love
Honeymoon awaits

This inspired a maelstrom of syllable-counting and haiku-composing, recorded here for posterity.

October 20
The death of her single life
Good luck, Will Griffin
(Betsy and Ellen)

New brother-in-law
We have a crazy fam'ly
You will fit right in.
(Betsy)

Camille and Will wed
Mom stops all her hollering
New spouse takes over.
(Mom)


And a couple post-wedding haiku:

I have made it home
The wedding was lots of fun
And I hate Mondays.
(Betsy)

Who will Dad root for?
Red Sox, Rox in World Series
Baseball gods mock him.
(Mom)

An honest question

When I was in high school, I came across a quote that went something like, "To see God in everything makes life the greatest joy there is." I do believe that God is present all over the place, so I believe this statement until I read something like this article. The author is describing her trip to the mattress store to buy a queen-sized bed.

From the article:

"Scott the Mattress Salesman asked how much I wanted to spend, then showed me two sleeping beauties in my price range. The good news was that he wasn't really Scott the Mattress Salesman, but Scott the Regional Manager Posing as Mattress Salesman. He explained that they'd fired the store's manager just the day before and he was covering until the new guy could start. And because he couldn't earn any commission, he knocked the 100 bucks the salesman would have pocketed off the already reduced price. "You came in on the right day," he said. I smiled and exchanged a knowing glance with Ingrid. We'd been trying to schedule this shopping excursion for a couple weeks. Obviously God had helped us pick the right day."

To me, this elaborate story is just a clever ruse to make the buyer of said mattress feel like she had saved $100 on a mattress, when Scott the Mattress Salesman really could have sold the mattress for $200 lower. But what do I know?

That is not the honest question. The honest question is, have I become too cynical?

Fast Food: Not your Momma's Home Cookin'

If you need another reason not to eat fast food, I'm your gal. I don't know how many people have already seen this, (I'm usually a little behind the curve on these things), but it's too great not to pass on.

Ads vs. Reality

Vote for the grossest!! I think the grossest ones are the two that most look like they're decomposing, but I'll let you figure out which ones those are.

Because I Said So

I'm finishing up the book Letters from a Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd. I just came to this passage written as a response to a question regarding how we can be forgiven (holy) and sinful at the same time:

"So, how can we be holy and sinful at the same time? I'll explain it with this analogy. When God created the world in the beginning, He said, 'Let there be light' and there was light. He said, 'Let there be dry ground,' and there was dry ground. And so on. God's Word, we see, is 'ontologically productive.' It creates being.

"Now our salvation is no less the result of God's word than is our creation. God says, 'All the sin of Ed Boyd's past is gone,' and all your sin is gone! And God says, 'Ed Boyd is perfectly holy before Me,'' and you are perfectly holy before Him."

The simplicity of this, especially after reading the other chapters, which tackle such complicated issues, is striking to me. Spiritual milk, to be sure, but isn't it tasty?

A Music Recommendation

I'm going to skip the whole "I haven't blogged in a while because..." If you look to the right, you'll notice it now says "Ohio" under my name. That's right, I now live in another midwestern state with a name made up mostly of vowels. The similarities between Iowa and Ohio do not end there! There is lots of farmland here, too, which is what is keeping me employed! I just got all moved into my new place today, and all but one room is cleared of boxes!

There's a CD, Carried Away by Andrew Peterson, that I think everyone should hear. I think I got it the summer after my freshman year in college, which is almost seven years ago, (!), so this might be old news to some. I listen to this CD about once a year...I rediscovered it today while unpacking. Every time I hear it, I wonder why I don't I listen to more Andrew Peterson? The music is nice to have on in the background, but I'm always drawn in by the stories he tells with his lyrics. Has anyone else listened to him? I'm wondering if his other CDs are as terrific as this one.

Also, my sister is on YouTube with her Youth Encounter team! (There are two videos out there.) Thanks to the Slefanizer for telling me about it.