Little Suggestions for a Happy Life

The monthly "Windsor on the River Apartments" newsletter arrived yesterday, with this helpful little blurb on the front cover:

Little Suggestions For A Happy Life
*Go on a hayride
*Evaluate yourself by your own standards, not by someone else's.
*Lie on your back and look at the stars.

How quaint. I would offer, however, as a response:

Betsy's Suggestions for Happy Residents:
*Don't wait a month to fix the washer that you're already charging me $1.25/load to use.
*Don't tell me you can't waive the late fee when I've (stupidly) forgotten to pay the rent because I'm white (yes, this actually happened).
*Don't try to charge me $10 a month more in rent when I re-sign my lease just because you think you should be able to, then complain about me calling to tell you I'm not paying any more rent because I don't think I should have to.
*Find a way to stop the chain smoker living below me from smelling up my apartment when I have my balcony door open.
*Do something about the occasional shootings in the complex. (This makes it sound like I live in the ghetto...I really don't.)

*Sigh* Maybe someday I will be a proud, penniless homeowner.